Aug 16th, 2014: Day Two


Day 2 overall was successful. I covered some decent ground; perhaps 500-600 miles,
however, i did it in a way that babied my car and allowed the car and thus me
to take frequent breaks every 2-3 hours. Actually, every 1.5-2 hours. I found
by taking these breaks I never got burnt out (I frequently took cat naps during
these times) and felt refreshed after the nap. I’m sure my vehicle, in its
20th year, appreciates the effort too.

I feel a need to drive (literally and figuratively) to chase something rather
than running away from anything. I feel I am trying to grab something that just
remains out there but not in my immediate reach. I feel a strong forward moving
intention; also, I’ve had a great opportunity o reflect on my life. I’ve had
an opportunity to view my life in perspective even though I thought this trip
was going to allow me to view my insights and new found world views (on poverty
and social justice) in a better light; but those views have remained the same. It was
myself who has changed.

I’ve found I REALLY needed this break. It’s an all-in-one package: a vacation,
a break (from life and from work and responsibilities), and a retreat (for the soul,
for my work, and for my life views) all at once. I’m feeling refreshed where I’ve been
feeling depleted for the past 7 months and even more so the last 2 months.
More and more I feel my battery being recharged. I feel my everyday life has not given
me many breaks in the past 4-5 years and regular life has worn me down and has spread me thin. I don’t know how I continued with the routine, day in and day out, working at all hours of the day on top of social and recreational activities. There was oftentimes very little down time and I was off “getting the most out of life” instead of settling down and practicing.Also, there was a frequency and intensity of sudden crises and recurring, annual quarterly traumas have worn me thin. Lesson learned.

Today, I also almost met a friend in Raleigh, North Carolina but was successful in meeting
another friend in Greensboro, NC (NC’s apparently very fond of the “ville’s” and “boro’s”).
Greensboro is very spread out, and lush with beauitful trees, grasses, and bushes.
We ate a great meal and we talked about martial arts the entire time. It seems
the link between martial arts and ideal life living are very interconnected. This should
be a lifestyle and mentality that more and more people should research and investigate:
the ability for a physical based exercise to truly change and improve our mind, psychology,
and spirits. It is definitely an unbelievable journey. Also, an older gentleman who
trained in boxing 50 years ago saw us practicing outside the restaurant and discussed
old time boxers like Roberto Duran, Mike Tyson, Ray Robinson with us and also showed us
his boxing stance and his tactics he learned from his coach. He very much had a classical
stance and very clean jab and cross. Also, it was a very defensive posture with the front
hand high with low elbow to protect the head and part of the body, and the front hand was raised high perhaps the drop the jab to allow gravity to assist its path/trajectory
while also helpful for the down-parrying (block) jabs from the opponent. Fun stuff.

I’ve thought about some more life changes including: spending more time and/or living in Nature during the week when I return, writing and studying environment, developing a minimalist lifestyle to suit my disdain for cleaning (the less I have the less I have to clean and the less maintenance), spending more time coaching martial arts and working to purchase a piece of land to build a school, and spend 5-8 hours a day writing when I return and when I’m away.

I think I am finally mentally ready to approach job hunting more aggressively.

I need to work more on the fantasy novel I am helping to co-author. Maybe tomorrow! 🙂

I feel great joy in this journey.

I had a feeling of anxiety and fear post dinner at how settled i was feelin gand all the impending miles that I was going to cover because of all the change and lack of predictability it will bring, but this changed once we parted and i regained my focus and purpose.

Next, I feel this trip is helping me realize and heal from a “broken heart.”
I don’t mean this in the romantic sense, but so many aspects of my life have
broken me down and broken my heart. I’ve had limited academic and professional
accomplishments, my life up until now has been an endless struggle to pay bills
and get out of debt, and while my work life in general has general been successful
my jobs have suffered from: too few hours, some of the jobs did not pay an hourly
rate that would warrant the effort I placed, other jobs that did could not sustain
me because of limited hours, and I charged people to little money for the services
I did render for them. It was a perfect mix for disaster. Am I maladjusted for the
current society, did I do something wrong, and/or is the current society too rigid
or not focused on the correct thing to complement a sensitive, spiritual person like
myself? These are questions I hope to answer on this trip. Of course, people
have broken my heart over the years by disappointing me, not allowing me to count on
them, occasionally betraying me and my trust, and simply not supporting me
when I need them (in general, not to say my close friends have not). There has
just been too big of an accumulation of suffering for me to sustain in this flawed,
plastic society.

That would be my last point: society is so plastic and mechanized. We are all instruments
of the capital system to earn profits and abundance (others earn it at least; the richer
class) while more and more aspects of our every day lives are controlled by corperations
and chains that control our entertainment, media, music, shopping habits etc.
At the end of it, not a lot of what we have or what we live is ours and yet we struggle
day and night to support these people /classes and this plastic, unfeeling society.
Something feels very wrong. Here are a couple of concluding questions:

– Are all of the needs of the members of our society being met?
– Does everyone have equal opportunities?
– Can we undo a capitalist system within a democracy?
– Is capitalism and democracy one and the same, or can they
be separated and changed?
– How can we provide for all?
– What are the tangible steps that we can reach a more ideal society (and what
IS an ideal society?)

The more I am typing this, I am beginning to think I have some potential as a
college level professor in the subject of sociology – it’s a great love and
intellectual exercise. I will keep this in mind.
Have a great evening! 😀


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