Our anti-hero continues to drive in car. He sees mountains (esp. the Smokeys in TN) and camps for a night in Fox FIre Campgrounds. He struggles with the camping process. He drives, he is inspired, and he is still alive. He faces his past and issues of the ego. He is now mooching internet from a Dickson, TN McD’s connection. How fun.
This is my fourth day on the road. So far feeling good. I have to say it was a wise choice to pack all needed ammenities on the road: mainly water and food. I’ve eaten out at zero places so far, and had only paid to camp at this place called Fox Fire Campgrounds in the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee. What can I say? I can only say that the scenery I’ve seen in the past three days makes the trip worth it by itself: rolling mountains, cloud-covered and tree-laced mountains of the Smokey Mountains, sun rises and sun sets that made my heart ache from its beauty, horizons so deep and wide I can see the ends of my soul, and hot neon pink streaks of sun sets that behold the most picturesique moments of my life.
Last night, I finally stopped to take some time to sleep in a real place. My friend S.L. suggested I buy a tent before the trip and so I did. I went to this camp spot in Tennessee Smokey Mountains (who needs articles?!) called Fox Fire offered a place for $20. The real challenge was errecting a tent for the first time and by myself. It was not fun. For about 45 minutes I bumbled with tent poles, arches, and endless staking and restaking. The whole time I kept hearing a voice (or myself) saying:”What are you doing? You’re terrible at this!” All I can say is: it’s not the first time I’ve heard that… places hands behind head and leans back in self-satisfied manner… ** 🙂 :). As you can see, being on the road and spending a lot of time alone leads to a lot of innuendo and thoughts on other such matters.
The road is really continuing to bring something out of me. Endless cartharting of old feelniings, healing old heart breaks, destroyng demons, and reflecting on all past memories (I remember almost everyhting).
There were several moments today besides the first two days in which I felt very discouraged, distraught, and thinking of turning back and gonig home. i mean, there are so many hours of traveling, a long endless road, and sometimes it feels like the lesson has been learned – let’s turn back and go home. HOwever, something keeps pushing me on and the moments quickly pass after a few hours to be replaced by glorious energy, opening of the heart, and a great love for humanity. I continue to be inspired and to think the most beautiful, peacefull, and heartwarming thoughts.
There some moments when watching the sunset that I thought:
Neon hot pink of skies
Opening the gateways of heaven
I move forward
Heart on fire
Soul in flames
Quench my soul.
I feel nature is so important to leading a spiritual life. It allows us to feel more connected to other people, to ourselves, adn to Heaven and the Gods. I swear God was speaking to me through those beautiful scenic sights. The mountains are now different.
I also had some moments of arrogance (about 1-2% of my being is arrogant) and with ego the muse and the inspiration quickly closed. I found perhaps being a good artist is being an effective medium, or conduit for divine inspiration; none of it is ourselves.
I also had moments of divine panic. I worried about finances, road disasters etc. However, after some thought I felt I’d take care of them when they occurred. It’d like the usual mid semester panic in a school year; you feel ike your’e gonna fail at some point during the semester yet you do not. Same thing.
Other fun experiences: the South has very FEW wifi hot spots (the one Starbucks I found was packed like sardines!), I listened to endless country, bluegrass music and LIKED it! I particularly liked this one song called: “Tell your Shrink I said thanks for nothing” or something like that! haha. There was this other group called the something Banjo 5 I believe. I have to look them up some time.
There were many thoguhts about true love too. I mean, true love is osmething that we hold so close to our heart, but once that soul is crushed in our late teens it requires some years, and rehabilitation to rebuild it. we are so so tarined, at least I am (defense mechanism and all),, to hold it in and withold hope and the desire. I mean sure, our hearts get dashed regularly when dating, but the deep yearning to have someone to hold, to share our secrets with, and to share our lives run deep. I now know even more why people think and write so many love songs. Love is something that holds true to use no matter who we are and what road we are taking. The search for salvation and enlightenment is something hopefully everyone is donig, but only a few really focus on. however, Love is osmething that is so universal and beaitufly that the mere hoping and yearning for it, to allow ourselves to be open to it, and to feel it fro mthe bottom of our souls regardless of past pain and heart breaks is osmething to behold. I feel our sexuality and our sense of Love are two of the most true things that rnig in our belings and when messed with creates distrust and disharmony. To be able to throw all of the past lugglage overboard (Iyengar will love that reference 🙂 adn to allow our souls to be fresh, anew, and innocenet again is so beauitufl, heartwarming and freeing. I don’t care how my heart has been mangled in the past; I am open to true love and am open to the heavens and the universe for the love of my life to plop tdown any time. I am ready for endless nights of talking and sharing, I”m ready to spend and appreciate each moment for a loved one, I am ready to care for another and to look out for them, I am ready to be lost in a moment with them, and I am ready for the beauty of my soul to be melded with the beauty of another’s soul.
Food: Aunt Nelly’s sweet and sour cabbage is delicious! However, I later found out it’s made with high fructose corn syrup… not my preferred ingredient of choice, but still delicious! Had some garbanzo beans, cream of mushroom soup, and some cabbage and also sphaghetti o’s. so good.
Road Trip: I’m now convinced everyone at some point should take a long road trip or travels that lead to nowhere type of thing. It allows time for real perspective and inner investigation. There is so much spontaneity and purity in this tripthat I feel so blessed. My life will never be the same. sure, as a minority there were some places that seemed less friendly towards me, and some small middle of nowhere towns like Marion, TN wehre they were friendly as ever to me. My friend has expressed some concern as a minority travelling through some of the central states such as Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Kansas… but we’ll see for sure. I bet much of them have progressed, and the rest, well, I trust my spidey sense I’ve developed from Martial arts to alert me if soemthing is up. Of course, the best fight is no fight! Still to this date I’ve never been in a bona fide fight in public and hope to never do so. Yep yep! Keep it real! 😀
The road can get so tiring and monotonous and endless soemitmes, but the I am renewed with inspiration.
There are too many thoughts and great and not-so great moments I’d like to talk about, but my mind is very empty now.
However, I feel blessed still to have the opportunity to step out of daily life and find a better life for myself and others.
Have a great day! 😀