Operation Burnout

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Of course, things are going well overall: I took a trip, minimal bad things have happened, I saw beautiful scenery, I have a new perspective on my life, I actually have more money coming in from different sources etc.  Also, as my laptop screen broke last Thursday, I used that as an opportunity to drive from Castroville to LA to visit some friends.  It was a great weekend and full of food and friends.  I drove to San Jose and Oakland after that to visit friends and pick up a laptop that my friend Zhibo donated to me.  I also rescued my hard drive so I should have all the files backed up, and also I’ve used http://www.backblaze.com for $5/month to eletronically back up all my files.

On the other hand, I am feeling some serious burn out.  I have a few more resumes and cover letters to finish in this cycle, but perhaps an accumulation of things are weighing on me:

– I’ve applied to close to 70 jobs since I’ve left Maryland on August 15th, 2014.  I’ve officially earned job online revising a guy’s resume.

–  Ever since landing in California, I’ve decided to live out of my car to save money.  Although I’ve only recently started sleeping horizontally in my backseat, which have afforded me more restful evenings, it’s past the point of being fun.  I can’t truly complain because I’m living hte dream, but I do feel physically and emotionally exhausted for several reasons related to this living accommodation (ie – dealing with or paranoia regarding the police, sleeping in weird positions, the cold California nights [bone chilling!] )

–  Increased time meditating: this technically should be a good thing, but meditaiton is a cleanser of the mind, body, and soul.  Also, sometimes the cleansing process is not fun and can be straight up brutal.  I guess that’s part of the process of spiritual development.  The human condition is full of sin, regrets, and negative emotions (in addition to the positive attributes), and there is no greater time you feel it than when you’re deep in meditation or crisis.

–  I am new to resume writing and there always seems like there is something new to learn, and due that factor the new launch of this side career is quite exhausting.

–  I’ve recently started reading and practicing Minimalism: this is a big step for someone who’s been very disorganized and had ADHD for all of his adult life and even part of his teenage life.  In fact, I had two panic attacks and borderline nervous breakdowns the first two days I started the program because it was so contradictory to everything I’ve done in the past 17 years.  I decided to continue with the journey and have found out how easy it is to accumulate physical and mental bagge and also how much consistent discipline is required to keep life at a minimal.  I’ve actually cleaned up and threw away a lot of stuff in my car since and have provided a decently organized environment for myself and have a good program for organizing my personal life for the first time in my adult life.

–  The desperation of the job hunt is quite a energy draining effort.  I refused to accept failure and pushed through difficulties.  In many ways, I was successful, but I am freakin’ tired.  Like tired and burnt to the core and I am several days late in delivering this cover letter due to the computer issue.

–  I’ve been recommended to visit Washington State, and I plan on leaving today.  Of course, I left that detail out when interacting with my dear parents who will probably read this on their plane to China.  I’ve read some details online and realize:  it’s some 900 miles away.  I hope I come out of it alive!  lol

I think the major thing is a combination of major life and paradigm shifts combining with some different and alternative living conditions.

In the long run, I’ll be fine, but right now I’m burning with the heat of passion, desperation, change, and basically a revolution of the mind.

In other news, I am making progress in my martial arts, and despite the common assumption that martial arts coaches or practitioners are somehow immune to pain, emotions, or change, I have to say I am still hamming it out in life despite the recent progress and personal revolutions.  No one, including martial artists, are immune to pain, flaws, or opportunities for growth (esp. outside of the realm of martial arts), but the it the fragility of the facade and the ego which displays to people what certain martial artists want to present or how they would like to be perceived at the risk of appearing vulnerable, not invincible, or just a human being.  However, I have to say martial arts is a great damn road map and guide to life and I recommend it for anyone who wants self-improvement, fitness and health, and guiding principles  which continue our development as human beings.  I guess, these ideas will help to improve myself as a coach when I return to Maryland.  Without the martial arts, I would have given up on this journey long ago.

That’s it for now.  I have faith in the process.  Also, I believe in guardian angels, but more on that later.

Have a great day!

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